Are you searching for Best Funny Captions For Instagram, Funny Captions For Selfies, Funny Pictures With Captions, Funny Captions For Guys, Funny Captions For Friends, Funny Captions For Couples, Funny Instagram Captions For Girls & Boys, Then This Post is Just For You.
Hello Friends, Welcome to this new post. Friends, Today we will talk about Funny Instagram Captions, Funny Quotes For Girls & Boys, Funny Captions For Pictures of Yourself, Funny Girl Pictures With Captions, Funny Captions For Girls & Boys.
We all know how complicated it is to write a great caption, but you do not take any tension. We have collected a list of Top Best Funny Captions For Instagram below for all of you. Which you can use on your Instagram, Facebook, or any other Social Media post.
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Table of Contents
Funny Selfie Captions:
I don’t sweat—I sparkle.
Wine + dinner = winner
Don’t worry, Beyonce.
Just got that Friday feeling.
Be the EXTRA in extraordinary.
Hating me doesn’t make you pretty.
If you fall, I will be there. Signed: Floor.
Did it for the memories – totally worth it!
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Be as picky with your men as you are with your selfies.
I know I’m a handful, but that’s why you have two hands.
Never let a man treat you anything less than Beyonce.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
The first thing I do after coming to work is logging off.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram?
When Jessica Biel becomes pregnant, I hope she names her child Mo.
If I was funny, I’d have a better Instagram caption for this.
I am not taking a selfie, I am just checking my camera quality.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… it was tense.
Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.
Short Funny Captions:
Shout out to me.
Totally sleighed it.
More issues than Vogue.
Be savage, not average.
You are one in a melon.
When I was a little lad
this is a picture of me
Vanity is the new trend!
New look, same mistakes.
Be a Warrior not a Worrier.
Bad choices make good stories.
Humble with a hint of Kanye.
We all have that one friend…
At least my pizza still loves me.
Just a pic of me being an idiot.
PSA: I did not wake up like this.
Be a stiletto in a room of flats.
If I was you, I’d wanna be me, too.
The bags under my eyes are Gucci.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.
Felt cute. Will not be deleting later.
I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.
Proof that I do selfies better than you.
A selfie a day keeps the doctor away.
You just can’t spell awesome without me.
When you’re feeling downie, eat a brownie.
I’m here for a good time, not a long time.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Funny Instagram Captions:
I am not weird. I’m limited edition.
noon. Yeah, I know, I’m a problem solver.
If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.
Remember that broken crayons still color.
My favorite subject in school was recess.
No thoughts brain empty just tacos and cats.
With great power comes great electricity bills!
I love listening to lie when I know the Truth.
[Food item] so good it’s got me weak in the knees.
Just dropped my new single! It’s me. I’m single.
Me? Crazy? I should get down off this unicorn and slap you.
Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
They call it a ‘selfie’ because ‘narcissistic’ is too hard to spell.
That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and you can’t do it.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a cupcake.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
Every 60 seconds, there’s a bitch posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.
My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week, and 24 hours a day until I met you.
I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night, and your most painful goodbye.
Funny Attitude Captions :
After Tuesdays, even the calendar goes WTF.
Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
A selfie once a day keeps the depression away.
Oh, you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
If you fall, I will be there. Signed, Floor.
Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
Darn it, just accidentally had another thought again.
Never let a man treat you like anything less than Beyoncé.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.
You couldn’t handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!
I can’t clean my room because I get distracted by the cool stuff I find!
If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
I have everything in my purse you could possibly imagine except money.
Whoever thinks money doesn’t bring happiness, transfer it over to my account.
Funny Captions For Selfies:
You rock my Christmas socks.
I’ll be ho-ho-home for Christmas.
Felt delete, might cute later
What do you think of the view?
Ice cream is cheaper than therapy.
Tis the season! Let the overeating begin!
I may be down to earth but I’m still above you.
Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
Vodka may not be the answer but it’s worth a shot.
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!
When life gives me lemons, I make lemonade then sell it.
Some days I amaze myself. Today is not one of those days.
Mirror: you look amazing today. Camera: No, you don’t.
Maybe she’s born with it…maybe it’s an Instagram filter.
Wanna know what else is bigger than my smile? My heart.
They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friends home!
I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.
My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
I’m now making a Jewish porno film. Ten percent sex, 90 percent guilt.
Money Can’t Buy Happiness… But It Can Buy Amazing Makeup.
Who’s that cute person? Oh, I clicked on my profile again.
Give A Girl The Right Hairstyle, And She Will Conquer The World
A woman can get whichever man she wants, a man only gets the woman who accepts.
I am dating anyone who hearts my status, that is what the hearts are meant for.
There is nothing so serious about life, we are here to eat, look beautiful then die.
Funny Girl Pictures With Captions:
Idk, I’d wife me.
Suns out, buns out.
When life imitates art.
Happiness Is A New Lipstick.
Sleep. Eat. Makeup. Repeat.
Wake up, workout, look hot.
Skinny legends don’t share.
I’m the hot tea for today.
Mood swings are such a mood.
Mermaids don’t do homework.
Mastering The Art Of Awkward Posing.
Life ain’t perfect. But my hair is!
Don’t let this beauty blind your eyes.
Play with my hair, not me feelings.
Aha, I bet you like what you see!
Confidence level: Selfie with no filter.
If I ran like my mouth, I’d be in good shape.
Cold as ice, but in the right hands, I melt.
Why get thinner when you can get more dinner.
I love chocolate because it never judges me.
Not only am I a bad-ass, I also have a good ass.
Guess who’s going to hell on a full scholarship grant.
I Don’t Know What’s Tighter, Our Jeans Or Our Friendship.
Never treat a lady like a dog, else she pisses on you.
She Was The Type Of Girl The Moon Chased And The Stars Wished For.
A Wise Girl Knows Her Limits, A Smart Girl Knows That She Has None.
Do Not Take Life Too Seriously. You Will Never Get Out Of It Alive.
When I Feel A Little Down, I Put On My Favorite High Heels And Dance.
When A Woman Is Late, Do Not Ask Her, The Foundation Had To Dry First.
Eyebrows – The One Thing You Can Get Into Shape Without Exercising.
I Don’t Really “rise And Shine” – Most Days, I Just Caffeinate And Hope For The Best!
God looked at the boring hairstyle of Adam and said, “Let’s create someone with a more creative head”.
Funny Captions For Instagram For Girl:
I’m not like other girls. I’m Satan.
Keep calm and call your stylist.
Life is short to those with no makeup.
Here’s your daily dose of vitamin me.
Make your ass match your sass. Do squats.
My face hurts because I can’t stop smiling.
If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock, Build A Door
Happiness Is… New Cosmetics, Many Of Them!
I Am Not Short, I Am Just Concentrated Awesome
Am I a sweet angel or a naughty devil? You decide.
Whoops, I can’t be seen for free. Send the budget.
Am I not beautiful enough? Get your heart checked!
Instead of being moody, why not shake your booty?
Aside From Gravity, Nothing In Life Can Keep Me Down.
They told me I could be anything. So, I became sexy.
I must ravage you with warm hugs and passionate kisses.
If Life Gives Me Lemons – I’ll Ask For Tequila And Salt
Be A Diamond Esteemed And Rare, Not A Stone Found Everywhere.
Someday, I’m going to eye-roll myself into another universe.
I love mirrors because they show me what winners look like.
Posting this selfie to keep you updated that I’m still very cute.
Mirrors don’t lie. That’s why I’m glad that they don’t laugh either.
Beautiful Girl You Were Made To Do Hard Things So Believe In Yourself.
She Is The Beauty. She Is Grace. She Can Also Punch You In The Face
If Your Dreams Appear Impossible, There Is A Wrong Man In Your Life.
Marriage Is A Great Institution, But I’m Not Ready For An Institution.
Love is in the air? I say rid the world of this abominable air pollution.
Boys remind me of purses. They’re cute, full of crap, and highly replaceable.
My outfit is inspired by the fact that I woke up 30 minutes late this morning.
The Most Beautiful Woman Is One Who Puts On A Smile As Her Makeup Every Morning.
People call me crazy sometimes. The unicorn in my kitchen tells me otherwise though.
Superwoman, Batgirl, and Wonder Woman are all single. I must be a superhero as well!
There Is One Difference Between A Long Life & A Great Dinner; In The Dinner, The Sweet Things Come Last.
I Can’t Do The Same Thing Every Night, The Same Gestures… It’s Like Putting On Dirty Panties Every Day.
I Would Rather Be Strong Because Prettiness Fades Over Time. But, Strength Gets You Through Bad Shit..!
Funny Quotes For Boys :
Wifi. Food. My bed. Perfection!
I’d wanna be me as well if I were you.
If you ever miss the sun, just look at me.
My life’s a gigantic mess and I love it!
Eating non-stop is one of my best talents.
Started from the bottom now we’re here.
Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.
Jut a general life update: “Hungry again!”
My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
Captions for selfies? Nah, I don’t need them.
Cooking some fantastic bad ideas in my mind.
I envy my parents. Their kid is the coolest!
A daily selfie reminds you what you look like.
Today I will be as useless as letter g in lasagna.
The more weird you are, the more fun you are.
You were born to fit in. I was born to stand out.
I just cleaned my room. Now I’m all the trash that’s left.
I have to be funny because being hot is not in my dictionary.
1 like? Great! I think the modeling world is ready for me.
Every time I look at my text book, I think: “What a waste of tree!”
Sure, dating is cool, but have you ever tried an eat-all-you-can buffet?
Some people have “aha” moments, I just have “oh seriously?” moments.
If only my feet were as diligent in jogging as my thumbs are in scrolling.
The very moment the alphabet decided to get involved with mathematics, I quit!
I’m not happy it’s “Friday” I’m happy it’s “Today”. Love your life 7 days a week.
I’m beginning to like Instagram, which is unusual on the grounds that I loathe pictures.
Funny Captions For Guys:
Not your baby boy.
Master of funniness.
Stay trippie, lil hippie.
Who’s a good boy? I am!
Baby girl, fall in line.
I only rap occasionally.
Pic of me being an idiot.
Believe in your selfie!
Pathetic but aesthetic.
I’m the bomb, like tick tick.
Teeth aren’t forever. Smile!
Confidence level: Kanye West.
I let my haters be my motivators.
My middle finger salutes your attitude.
Lost in the world that doesn’t exist.
Friends are God’s way of looking after us.
Me will go into survival mode if tickled.
Love me or hate me I’m still gonna shine.
Trippin’ on skies, sippin’ waterfalls.
Life’s too short to wear matching socks.
Ready to be picked up by the garbage collector.
A dirty thought a day keeps the weariness away.
Sorry, I can’t make everyone happy. I’m not bacon.
Is my tummy flat? Yup, but the letter “L” is silent.
I don’t know where I’m going but I’m on my way.
Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.
Why chase someone when you know you’re the catch?
What others think of me is none of my business.
When people ask what I do. I say whatever it takes.
I doubt beer is the answer but it’s worth the shot.
Every so often, when I shut my eyes…I can’t see.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I’m only responsible for what I say not for what you understand.
I’m not cranky. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.
When life gives you sh*t, you make a catapult and hurl it back.
Who’s that handsome devil? Oh, I clicked on my profile again.
Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?
Funny Captions For Boys:
Captions are for losers.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m an 11.
How could you not fall in love?
And the Darwin award goes to…
Teeth aren’t pearly until you laugh!
Hand me the burger and nobody gets hurt.
Remember when I had a girlfriend? Me neither.
I don’t always study. But when I do, I don’t.
I am 10, on the pH scale, maybe. Cuz I am basic.
I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m sleeping.
My last name is “ever.” My first name is “greatest.”
The language of friendship is not words but meanings.
Trust people who like big butts—they can not lie.
I’m a fun little lollipop triple dipped in psycho.
You never truly know what you have…until you clean your room.
It’s silly how people try to hurt my feelings. As if I have any.
I’m bitter, dark, and hot—just like your favorite coffee.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
I looked at my Instagram photos and realized I look beautiful.
Savor this post. You won’t see another one for another twelve months.
I don’t know what to write girls, so just look at my face please.
Being single has its own benefits. When I need me, I’m always there.
I wish I could drop my body off at the gym and pick it back up when it’s ready.
I know it feels good to stare at me all day, but please give your eyes a rest.
I’m not glad it’s Friday I’m glad it’s Today. I Love my life 7 days a week.
I don’t have time to hate anyone. I either love you, or I don’t care at all.
Funny Instagram Captions For Boys:
You’re the 9-5, I’m the weekend.
You call it crazy? I call it fun!
Photobomb me at your own risk!
You can’t spell awesome without ME.
It’s your next favorite celebrity.
Not heartless. Just using my heart less.
Selfies are disgusting but not this one!
Why you hatin’ instead of appreciatin’?
If you see this, you have a dirty mind.
You know baby, I’d take a Nerf bullet for you.
Not everyone is lucky enough to be as cute as me.
Don’t tell your girl about me. She might become a fan.
If you try to tickle, I won’t be liable for your injuries.
I’m genuine and I trust some of my devotees are as well.
If my life was a series, it would be an awkward food-themed comedy show.
Occasionally, it takes me a whole day to get absolutely nothing done.
I have no idea how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.
Some people have trouble sleeping, but I can do it with my eyes closed.
It’s true that looks aren’t everything. But I have them just in case.
Don’t be fooled by my listlessness. I’m actually busy at a cellular level.
You know why they call it a selfie? Because narcissistic is too hard to spell.
They say good boys go to heaven, but I’m a bad boy so I’ll deliver heaven to you.
Never reveal how weird you are to people until it’s too late for them to back out.
I was planning on saying something catchy, but I see I already got your attention.
Since math is one of my biggest problems, I have no idea how many other problems I have.
I really don’t like how I look, but I think this one’s better than the 23 others I just took.
I’ve generally believed being famous on Instagram is as about as futile as being rich in syndication.
Funny Captions For Friends:
Friends Should Be Like Books, Few, But Hand-selected.
Friends Buy You A Lunch. Best Friends Eat Your Lunch.
My best friend is a secret FBI agent, he collects all my secrets and reveals to my parents!
Some People Talk To You In Their Free Time And Some People Free Their Time To Talk To You.
If You Have Two Friends In Your Lifetime, You’re Lucky. If You Have One Good Friend, You’re More Than Lucky.
Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me—I’ll laugh at you.
Best friends don’t question you when you show up at the door with a dead body. They just grab a shovel and follow you.
Strangers know my innocent side of my personality…Best friends know my dirty, insane side of my personality!
There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.
Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person who made you cry.
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’
If you are funny, you are automatically 75% more probable that we are friends. You know, many things change and fade, but sarcasm is forever.
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money.
Funny Captions For Couples:
All of me loves all of you.
Big spoon and little spoon.
I lava you! Do you lava me?
You own my heart. And my ass.
We’re best friends, right?
I’m glad we both swiped right.
We are bad asses with good asses!
It all started with Netflix and Chill.
All that we are is all we’ll ever need.
Birds of the same feather, flock together.
Haters gonna hate, and players gonna play.
You make me happy like a full refrigerator.
‘I love you!’ she says. ‘I know.’ he says.
My heart goes boom when you are in the room.
I love you so much that I’ll even cook for you.
I donut know what I would do without you.
I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.
You’re the person I want to spend every irritating moment with.
You melt my heart like an ice lolly on a sweltering summer day.
Funny Pictures With Captions:
Friday … Our second-favorite F word.
It’s not a phase mom, it’s who I am.
I am only human, although I regret it.
You’re only as good as your last haircut.
I’m not lazy, just on energy-saving mode.
I need a six-month holiday, twice a year.
When nothing goes right, go left instead.
I am not lazy, I am just on save energy mode.
Kindness is Free Sprinkle that Stuff Everywhere.
Too bad you can’t take selfies of your character.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
The more money you make the more problems you get.
What part of “I need to save money” don’t I understand?
I have to be successful because I love expensive shit.
Money laundering? I wouldn’t even know what soap to use.
I may be a handful, but that’s why you’ve got two hands.
We tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of our lives!
We don’t know what’s tighter: Our jeans or our company culture.
The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.
What if we told you … you can eat without posting it on Instagram?
I am standing outside. Therefore, if anyone asks, I am outstanding!
They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friend’s home!
I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!
When you take a selfie and your hairs look perfect but not your face.
Short Funny Captions For Instagram:
Wanna see my guns?
There’s no ‘we’ in fries.
I’d stop scrolling too
Reality called so I hung up.
Don’t be average, be savage.
The cat made me do it, I swear!
When nothing goes right, go left.
When you are downie, eat a brownie.
I put the ‘Pro’ in procrastinate.
Good boy or bad boy? You decide.
But first, let me take a selfie.
Did I make your heart skip a bit?
Don’t mind me. I’m just flexing.
Be a cupcake in a world of muffins.
My hair is the crown I never take off.
Don’t look at the caption, look at me
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Yes, I do bad things, but I do them well.
If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
You have every right to a beautiful life.
bright eyes and subtle variations of blue…
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy!
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
They say nobody’s perfect. Guess what? I’m nobody.
I think my closet upset… cuz it keep throwing fits
Time made me stronger, you’re no longer on my mind
Love me or hate me, i swear it won’t make or break me.
Funny Nature Captions For Instagram:
I’m a selfie lord. Bow before your king!
My skin and bones have seen better days.
Know your worth but don’t forget to add tax.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on save energy mode.
Real men don’t take selfies. Ironic, isn’t it?
May your coffee be hot and your eyeliner even.
Morning coffee, because anything else is worthless.
I don’t know what’s tighter: my jeans or our love
In a world full of trends, I want to remain a classic.
What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crookodile.
My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
You think nothing is impossible? Try getting me out of bed before 12 PM.
I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new style of hair every morning!
If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
Funny Instagram Captions For Selfies:
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Sending my selfie to NASA, because I’m a star.
I’m a blur, a speeding bullet you can’t catch.
Don’t Start Your Day With Broken Yesterday.
Don’t let your eyes be blinded by my handsomeness.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
You don’t have to like me; I’m not a Facebook status
Be picky with your men as you are with your selfies.
Yes, of course, I am athletic… I surf the Internet every day.
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
Don’t trust everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar.
Please don’t download my Selfie, you may fall in love with me.
People say nothing is impossible. But I do nothing every day!
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
The more you weight, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake!
You never know what you have until you have cleaned your house.
That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nikes and you can’t do it.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
After gossiping about me, please pray for me. I want to be perfect just like you.
I haven’t posted a selfie in a while but I still am very cute just to keep you updated.
Bring the alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
First rule of Sundays: If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch … I call it lunch.
There are 16-year-olds competing at the Olympics and some of us (me) still push on “pull” doors.
I know the voices in my head aren’t real, but sometimes their ideas are just too good to ignore.
Funny Captions For Pictures of Yourself:
Last name Ever, first name Greatest.
I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
Brains are awesome. I wish everybody would have one!
How do I feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
I eat cake because it is somebody’s birthday somewhere!
I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
There is maybe no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Who needs self-awareness when I can make you aware of me instead?
Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.
It’s okay to be a glow stick; sometimes we need to break before we shine.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A may-bee… I’m a maybe.
I am a ninja. No, you are not. Did you see me do that? Do what? Exactly.
A cop pulled me over and told me Papers, so I said Scissors, I win! And drove off.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.
And I’m a bad boy ’cause I don’t even miss her. I’m a bad boy for breakin her heart
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open, looking for answers. Also food.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But that gets boring really fast. So I go back to being normal!
Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.
I know the voices in my head aren’t real… but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.
Short Funny Captions For Pictures of Yourself:
registered flex offender
too glam to give a damn
from left to right—me
50% Savage. 50% Sweetness.
Messy hair, don’t care.
Not an angel, but I got a halo.
I’m the snack that talks back.
Messy bun and getting stuff done.
When the sun goes down, I glow up.
The most beautiful hair is a brilliant mind.
Single but ignoring people like I’m taken.
I got 99 problems, but a bad angle ain’t one.
Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.
Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s the filter.
If I don’t post a picture, did it even really happen?
I got that Friday feeling. Shame it’s only Monday.
Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity!
I didn’t choose the thug life. The thug life chose me.
Netflix just recommended that I watch what I eat.
Women have many faces, depending on who is looking.
After God created the first man, he had a better idea.
Sometimes, I just want to high five people in the face.
You only live once. But, if you do it right, once is enough.
I know that looks aren’t everything, but I have them just in case.
99% of my socks are single, and you don’t see them crying about it.
I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 93 of them.
Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.
Your drama does not pay my bills therefore it is not worth my time.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He’s dreaming too.
I may not have a six-pack, but I like to think of myself as sexy in my own way.
When people tell me, ‘You’re gonna regret that in the morning,’ I just sleep until.
A cop pulled me over and told me “Papers”, so I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.
As long as my bank account keeps growing, I couldn’t care less about anything else.
I’m just a girl standing in front of a camera asking if this is Instagram-worthy?
Some supermodels are gonna feel really worried about their jobs when they see this.
I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
Every 60 seconds, there’s a girl posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.
Just pretend there’s a funny caption here, like this, and we’ll never speak of it again.
Funny Captions For Pictures of Yourself Smiling:
Sent from my iPhone
just cried—explains the drip
my mom said I look handsome
the sky is almost as pretty as me
came back to remind y’all I’m hot
is it cold outside or is it just my ice
If I go missing, use this picture for the news
Hi, we’re [company name]. We build amazing apps and eat amazing apps.
All you need is love … and investors. All you need is love and investors.
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
You owe me money, but yes, please tell me all about your fabulously expensive weekend.
You’ll lose a lot of money chasing women but you’ll never lose women chasing money.
Success to a woman is one who can put on a smile even when the world is frowning.
Lord, please give me patience because if you give me strength, I’ll need bail money too.
Best friends. Because of anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.
Why don’t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than I was 7.
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.
Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service.
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.
A Study Found That Women With A Little Extra Weight Live Longer Than The Men Who Mention It.
Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.
They say: Do what you love and the money will come to you. Just ordered pizza, now I am waiting…
I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box… I don’t even know where the box is.
I don’t think inside the box. I don’t think outside the box either. I don’t even know where the box is.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
Funny Captions For Pictures of Yourself on Instagram:
If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.
If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?
I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do.
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life, wives wants both.
They say “Do what you love and money will come to you.” Let’s see what happens, I just ordered tamales.
I have let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he’ll see me.
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
We don’t care what people think of us. Unless they’re our customers. We definitely care what customers think of us.
Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments has become my adult goals.
Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute. Yet…I wouldn’t call them lies!
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spreads less than my life.
Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck on an island, or something.
Thanks for not paying me back the money you owe me. Sure I want my money back but I would have paid more to prove what a scumbag you are.
The funny thing is, the people who work really hard, they work really hard so they can sit on their ass – they just want to sit on their ass in nicer surroundings.
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